A Message from Tom's Father

A message delivered by his father, Roger Marmet, at his Funeral.

“The Blank Page” - A poem By Tom Marmet - 4th grade

Young tiny clueless - staring out at the huge world.

A new born baby not a thought or worry in its tiny head.

Someday this child’s life will be filled with complex decisions

and lots of interesting people.

But for now this child is a blank page in an unfilled book

that will someday be filled with fascinating stories.

This blank page will someday become

the future of tomorrow.

This is a tragedy. A loss. An unspeakable, horrible crime for any parent or sibling or friend to comprehend. A time of grief and mourning and loss for all of us. And for our city, the country, and the world. For this was a young man who was going to leave a legacy of deeds that will never be done. At least by him. Brought down by a random act of violence while practicing random - and intentional - acts of kindness. And though only 22, he had a vision of the world and his place in it and had already begun to make his mark. A blank page no more. A page only partially filled - but filled so well. And we couldn’t be more proud of him or love him more. On behalf of our entire family, we are grateful to all of you for being a part of Tom’s life and helping to make him who he was. We are grateful for your immeasurable support, your love for us, and in the future - we hope - for your actions in helping us to somehow create something positive for the world out of our inexplicable loss and the losses of so many other innocent victims and families.

Tom Marmet was my best friend. He taught me lessons that I’m only now starting to comprehend. He filled our hearts with joy. He was curious and caring and alive with purpose and determination. From lying on our backs on a picnic table watching and feeling the planes land at the end of an active runway at National Airport - to staring up at the night sky in search of the Northern Lights or a shooting star, Tom stared at the Universe in wonder and took it all in.

We knew that he could do anything - and he did everything that he set his sights on. He put in the hard work. And he was in such a great place - on his way, with a plan and a purpose and a mission. He was a rocketship. And he was sailing. The mysteries of life had been revealing themselves to him and his friends. And he embraced them all.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world,” and from his early days Tom found immeasurable ways he could fill his blank page with change.

He loved animals and wanted to help those who suffered the most. At age 7, when we went to our beloved Rescue League to find a perfect new companion, Tom insisted upon getting the dog who had been there the longest. And while the dogs who have been there the longest often have a long list of reasons for their tenure and extended stays, Tom knew that this was the only dog for us - it didn’t matter if he was cute or cuddly or had mange or an extremely difficult disposition - this was Tom’s sense of justice and it was the right thing to do for the dog named Trooper. And no dog ever had a better friend.

Tom’s blank page was filling up with action.

At an early age Tom embodied the Life Rules of Beauvoir School: kindness, respect, responsibility, and honesty. And his friendships from those days endured and flourished even though they went off in different directions. He was shaped by Maret School and the gentle guiding influence of his teachers and coaches and the visionary leadership of that caring institution. He was embraced by every child from the minute he arrived in fourth grade and he grew into a leader because they understood Tom and knew how to bring out the best in him and in every one of his friends. His favorite high school class was The History of Nonviolence - and he remained connected to the ideas and lessons from those high school days until the very end, when he went back to school for Mr. King’s lecture and showing of the film “Gandhi” just a couple of weeks ago. Tom excelled at hockey and Lacrosse and Football for the Fighting Frogs - and at every turn he left it all on the field - sometimes quite literally, because he believed in himself and he cared deeply for his teammates and because his coaches had taught him confidence and leadership.
Tom’s blank page was filling with heart and guts and determination.
At the University of Vermont he embraced his activism and adventurism. He studied English and psychology, Angela Davis, poetry, Marxism, socialism, and authors too numerous or obscure to name. He loved books and knowledge and history and tried to find meaning from the writings of authors from Simon Wiesenhal to J.R.R. Tolkien to Gandhi, whose legacy endured for Tom even to the name of the house he was living in at the end. Tom marched for our lives...he canvassed and campaigned - even just last weekend. He was so excited for this election. And we must ask all of you, since Tom can’t vote this year, to please, vote for Tom.

He embraced Equality, Liberty. Justice. He was beautifully shaped by the entire range of people he encountered, including each of you. But he was fully formed by something from inside - something none of us can quite fathom or explain - which has repeatedly and vividly been described to me by many of you and by people from different stops along his journey - as a LIGHT. A SHINING LIGHT. A LUMINESCENCE. A SHINING STAR. A light from inside - a light like few people possess. A light of promise and hope and humility that WE NEED to KEEP Shining Bright - for the good of our community and our world.

Tom’s blank page was filled with light.

And in addition to all of us - Tom’s light was shining on a population most deserving, but often forgotten. The underserved. The most needy among us. And while he was committed to a year of service with So Others Might Eat, his commitment ran deeper in his heart and went even further than a job. Tom believed that every member of society should be heard. Every person should be treated with dignity and respect. And all of us should do right by the weakest among us. You could call this a sharing economy - but Tom would call it an economy of love. Some may call this Socialism - or Marxism - and Tom admired them both - but to Tom it was simply called Justice and Fairness - and quite frankly - just the right and only way to live. Tom despised the pain and suffering of homelessness and war and murder and hate. But my hope for today is that we will focus not on our pain or anger but rather on keeping Tom’s bright light alive through all of us and all of our actions. Because that’s what Tom would want.
We don’t know what exactly what was in store for Tom the rest of his life - and neither did he. His compass led him to all sorts of places. On a journey searching for truth, his inner self, or for human kindness, but no matter which direction it took him, his compass was guided by a moral truth. And it always pointed him to places where he loved people and helped people. From a lock house to a halfway house he was there to bring people together and listen to them and nurture them and care for them. So please. Each and every one of you. Take up his compass and embrace his core. Share his spirit. Care for one another. Care for those who are most underserved and most deserving. Search for peace...bring peace to all of your relationships. Help us make sense of this by taking the world to a better place. By joining together. By doing what Tom would do. By being his voice when you vote and when you see a homeless person on the street and when we hold our elected leaders responsible for looking out for human safety and innocent lives. Your ideas, your time, and your collective energy and love...this is the only way we can change. Peace can only be found through wisdom, action, freedom. His family is now on a life-long search to honor Tom’s mission for peace with acts and words and deeds that help secure a safer, more just tomorrow, A day without the fear of that knock on the door from the police to let you know about a senseless tragedy. And we need to swell over the earth with action hope and change - Not Anger. Dignity. Love. Humanity. just like Tom - and now for Tom. Be anything and everything you want to be. Be an artist. Be an adventurer. Be bold, be courageous, be authentic. Be gay, be straight, be true. But be brave. Be strong. And be you. Fully engage. Love Completely. Shine Your Light. Challenge our world’s assumptions and dysfunction. Fill your own blank pages with hope and with love. And believe above all in yourself and each other and your power to bring about change and comfort. Give hope and your heart to others. Live life like every day may be your last. Hug the people around you tell them that you love them. And really really love them. Help us eradicate the curses of carelessness and anger and weapons and pain. Repair the damage and bring joy to other people and peace to the world.
I’d like to keep talking forever. It helps to share my vision. But my words need to turn to deeds.

So I’d like to end with a song - a poem - a plea from an artist named Ben Harper - who sums

up my hope and vision - and captures Tom’s light:

I'm a living sunset

Lightning in my bones

Push me to the edge

But my will is stone

'cause I believe in a better way

Fools will be fools

And wise will be wise

But i will look this world

Straight in the eyes

'cause I believe there's a better way

I believe in a better way

What good is a man

Who won't take a stand

What good is a cynic

With no better plan

I believe in a better way

Reality is sharp

It cuts like me like a knife

Everyone I know

Is in the fight for their life

And I believe in a better way

Take your face out of your hands

And clear your eyes

You have a right to your dreams

And don’t be denied

I believe in a better way

--- Better Way. By Ben Harper - copywright Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management US, LLC